Silence
Your First Silent Retreat: 10 Fears, and the Reality
Short answer — The worries before a first silent retreat are always the same: not lasting the distance, getting bored, crying in front of everyone, meditating badly, being judged. Most dissolve by the second day. Two, however, are well founded and deserve attention: the fear that something painful will surface, and the fear that this is not the right moment in your life. This article takes them one by one, without trying to reassure at any cost.
You have been thinking about it for weeks. You have read the pages, looked at the dates, and you still have not booked.
It is not the price holding you back, nor the dates. It is a series of small questions you do not always dare put into words, and that no website really answers.
We have been hosting first retreats for twenty-seven years. The same worries come up, almost word for word. Here they are, with what we actually observe.
1. "I won't last three days without speaking"
This is the number one fear, and the one that dissolves fastest.
Silence is not an act of willpower sustained over seventy-two hours. After a few hours the reflex to speak fades on its own — because nobody around you is speaking either. What takes effort is staying quiet in a noisy environment. In a silent group it is the opposite: speaking is what would feel awkward.
Most participants say they stopped thinking about it by the first evening.
2. "I'll be bored"
You will be bored, yes. Usually on the second day.
We are not going to talk you out of it, because boredom is not a mishap along the way: it is a stage. It is what remains when distractions stop, and it almost always precedes the moment when something settles.
If we filled every hour to prevent boredom, the retreat would lose its point.
3. "I'll break down and cry in front of everyone"
It happens, regularly, and never the way you imagine.
In silence, an emotion passing through calls for no comment, no consolation, no awkward glance. Nobody comes to ask whether you are all right. Nobody tells the story at dinner — there is no "at dinner" in the sense you mean.
Many describe this as an unexpected relief: crying without having to explain.
4. "I don't know how to meditate"
That is exactly why the meditations are guided aloud.
You need to know nothing, prepare nothing, master no posture. You are told what to do as you go, and if your mind wanders for eight minutes out of ten, that is normal — it happens to everyone, including after years of practice.
The idea that there is a correct way to meditate, and that you might fail at it, is the most widespread misconception on the subject.
5. "I'll be with strange people"
You will be with seven people who, like you, hesitated for weeks before booking.
The profiles are far more ordinary than imagined: people who work too much, who are coming out of an intense period, who need to stop. There is no code, no vocabulary to master, no spiritual level to display.
And since nobody speaks, the question of social contact barely arises.
6. "I'll be judged if I do it wrong"
There is nothing to do correctly, so nothing to fail.
You can skip a meditation to sleep. Sit outside while the group practises. Turn back early from a walk. These choices are made without having to explain yourself — one of the concrete advantages of silence.
What we observe is rather the opposite: most people impose on themselves a rigour nobody asked of them.
7. "I can't bear being cut off from my family"
Phones are handed in on arrival and returned at the end. But a number remains available for your family in an emergency — you do not disappear.
Tell your circle before you leave: say you will be unreachable, give them that number, and explain that silence is not indifference. That settles 90% of the worry, yours and theirs.
Most participants find that after a few hours, the absence of the phone stops being a deprivation and becomes a rest.
8. "I'll have to share a room"
A legitimate question, and one to ask every venue before booking.
On a silent retreat, sharing a room is a real issue: you cannot talk it through with the other person, adjust schedules together, or clear an awkwardness with a conversation. Always ask how many single rooms are available, not just the total capacity.
Here, Quinta Lotus Azul has nine bedrooms and room for up to eleven people.
9. "What if something painful surfaces?"
Here is a well-founded fear, and we are not going to brush it aside.
Silence removes the distractions that usually hold certain things at arm's length. So it happens that an old sadness, an anger, or a long-postponed decision comes up over those three days.
This is not a mishap: it is often what people came for. But it explains why guidance matters, and why we advise against an unsupervised first retreat.
In practice, you can address Fabiana at any time, in writing. This is not an exceptional recourse: it is provided for, and it is used.
10. "What if this isn't the right time for me?"
The only question on this list to which we sometimes answer: no, it is not the right time.
A recent bereavement, a separation still raw, a period of psychological fragility: silence invents nothing, but it amplifies what is already there. If you are under the care of a health professional, talk to them about your plan before booking.
This is also why we speak with everyone before they come. It is not a commercial formality: it is where we check together that the timing is right. We have on occasion advised someone to wait a few months.
What participants say afterwards
Three remarks come up almost every time, and none of them appears on the list of fears.
"I slept like I hadn't slept in years." With no screens or conversation in the evening, tiredness arrives naturally around nine.
"I never thought eating in silence would change anything." It is often the most striking surprise — and one of the few things people carry home.
"The return was harder than the retreat." If you can, leave a buffer day before going back to work.
Our "Return to Self" retreat
Three days, eight people at most, in the heart of the Minho — twenty minutes from Braga and on the edge of the Peneda-Gerês national park.
Two guided meditations a day, periods of personal work, plant-based cooking from the kitchen garden. Fabiana has been accompanying retreats for twenty-seven years, from Guadeloupe to Costa Rica before Portugal.
€360 per person, all inclusive.
Frequently asked questions
Do I need meditation experience for a first retreat? No. The meditations are guided aloud, precisely so beginners can follow. It is one of the strengths of the guided format.
How long should a first retreat be? Three days. It is the minimum for silence to do its work, and short enough to fit a long weekend. Ten-day formats are not advisable to begin with.
Can I speak if I need to? To the person accompanying you, yes, and in writing if you prefer. The silence applies to exchanges between participants; it is never meant to leave you without recourse.
What if I want to leave early? You leave. A serious venue will not hold you back or make you feel you have failed. If anyone insists that you stay, treat it as a warning sign.
Is it religious? No. The practice comes from spiritual traditions, but no adherence to any belief is required.
How many people in the group? Eight at most here. Beyond ten or so, guidance becomes collective and you stop seeing individuals.
How do I know if I'm ready? The best indicator is the conversation with the venue before booking. Describe where you are; someone experienced will tell you whether they suggest coming now or waiting.
A question we have not covered, or a doubt about the timing? Write to us on WhatsApp — we answer everything, including when the answer is "not now".
This article is informative and does not replace medical advice. In case of recent bereavement, a painful separation or psychological fragility, please speak to a health professional before booking.
Also worth reading
How to Host a Retreat in Portugal: The Complete GuideOur “Return to Self” retreat
Three days in noble silence, in a group of no more than eight, in the heart of the Minho. €360 per person, all inclusive.
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